Hello Singer, Hi My Name is Wing (Wo)Man... PT 1

I have never like being the wing (wo)man. Yes... females have them too.


The Story


I would go to this go-go happy hour with a friend of mine, and she told me she had a crush on the lead male singer in one of the bands that performed. My friend would rant and rave about this guy, I thought it was cute. We get to the happy hour and are having a ball. The band came out,  we rushed to the front of the crowd. I stand there looking at him  and thought to myself "He aight....". Don't get me wrong he was a cute, but in my opinion nothing to flip-out about. The night went on and we had a FUN! Once the band finished their set they started to pack up their things.

The Plan...I Didn't Know About


So like a hawk my girlfriend watched his every move, as I sat there is ga-ga land drinking my drank (yes drank). Then out of on where she handed me a napkin. I looked at it and saw it had her name and number on it, I look at her and say "I have you number already?" While having my blonde moment my girlfriend busted out laughing (side bar: "blame it on the goose..."? (c) Jamie Foxx). My girlfriend them explains to me she wants me to give The Singer the napkin for her. Oooooooohhhhh. So we hangout a bit more, and she comes out to me and was like "they are leaving, we have to hurry and catch up with them!" I breakout my wingman cape and spring into action! [insert heroic theme music here] I bolt down the stairs in heels and all (yes i run in heels, and yes it is at the same pace as if  I were wearing running shoes...lol) so i caught up with him, and he took a moment to catch my breath he asked, "Whoa are you ok?" While laughing at me. I say "Yes you move so fast I had to run to catch up with you!" He looks at my shoes then says " You ran in those shoes?!" I say "Yes! Now  here take this my friend wants you to call her." He says "So this is your friends number? Interesting... but I want your number." I stood there in disbelief and all I could say was... "Ummm... but my friend wants you to call her." The singer says to me "Oh I heard you the first time, But I want your number since you are the one here standing in front of me." At that point I started to laugh, and my friend caught up with us, I introduced them and he gave her his number. I walked off wondering... why didn't he give me his number? Hmmmm....

To be continued....

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Me & Men. (needs to be edited.... but not right now...lol)

So... I have been giving this alot of thought.... and I do mean alot of thought... and I am going to take a break from black men in the DMV. Yes I said it! I have been feeling that way from when I was dating "The Boy". I thought to myself  "I need a break from black men in this area." I didn't give it much thought after that, until I and male friend of mine said "the black from DC suck", and then a light bulb went off in my head, and I thought "YOU ARE RIGHT!!!" It took a man to say the words for me to understand I wasn't alone in thinking this.

SO I won't be dating any black men from the DMV for a very long time. I was also thinking about giving up on black men all together, but I love them to much to do that... lol. I don't know if its the fact my birthday is next month, but this is going to be the move for me for awhile. I need to do some more praying about this.

I get sad looking at most of the men in this city. The ones I do give a shot are a rare breed, that know they are a rare breed...lol. Those men think they can do whatever they want because of the fact they are "GOOD GUYS" ... looking at that sentence make me think to myself  "they can't be good guys if they are thinking that way." lol. But seriously they can't be good guys.

I don't want to turn into one of those bitter black women that hate black men. I don't want to what to be one of those women, that treat black men all the same.... but DC men make it hard. I will give the men in the DMV some credit they aren't as bad as Memphis men that's for sure.

I am now on operation work more on me. I need to better myself seriously.

Long Time No See.... Yet Again

Yes I have disappeared … again. I have been beyond busy I have been more disciplined with my time management, that I forgot about making time to blog. So I am going to have to redo my weekly schedule again.


…but here is the quick update about what has been going on with me.

Men-

I have been seeing a guy. I will call him “The Boy”, if you haven’t figured out why I gave him that name, that just means you really don’t read my blog…lol. I call him “The Boy” because he is younger than me. I finally caved in and gave a younger guy a shot. So far things are good. (I hope I didn’t just jinx myself). We have only been “friends” for two weeks. So far, so good. We have had one “misunderstanding” (totally his fault), but he was able to redeem himself that same day by embarrassing himself. We shall see how this plays out. We both are very busy people, so we don’t get to spend a lot of time together, and are you all ready for the ****SHOCKER!!!***? I AM TOTALLY OK WITH IT!!! Out of the two weeks I have only seen him 4 times, and that equaled up to about 9 hours of quality time with this guy. HA! We compared both of our schedules, and I don’t even see how we managed that. HA! But seriously I like this guy, everything feels light with him. The only way I see us not working out is due our overwhelming schedules....and (there as always an "and"). The age difference.
***Update: So much more has happened since I wrote this blog, so be expecting another blog to follow really soon***

Addictions-

I have slowly been detoxicing myself from the Facebook games. Yaaaaaayyy!!! However, at the same time I have replaced one addiction with another. Booooooo!!!! Salsa dancing is my new obsession. I meet new people, and get in a good workout all at the same time. I can't believe how good I am getting. I sometime just sit there and watch people. I sometime pull it up on youtubr too, just to see the different styles. It is so much fun!!!!

Life-

I have also been baking a little more. I really need to get more focused on this! SERIOUSLY! I have been better with looking for a new job! I need one that leaves me more fulfilled. It is becoming more, and more clear to me that this place isn’t the place for me. I want to give myself to June to find a new job that I want to put 100% of myself into something I love to do, the problem is finding exactly what it is that will do that for me. I am giving myself a little more leeway so now I have pushed back the latest to August. The youth ministry is on break during that time. So I can use that time to see if that is something I want to continue doing, along with keeping my same schedule. My schedule is playing a key role in my job search at this point.

Friendships-

I am starting to realize that friendships are alot like "dating relationships" I am seeing that I am in some freindships by myself. This saddens me at times, but all I can do now is chalk it up to growing apart. I do tell some of them how I feel, but I still feel as though I am the only one trying in the relationship.... sigh. Everything happens for a reason.

I am currently reading-

http://www.watercolorbooks.com/books/uniquewoman-work.html

I will talk more about this book when I finish it, but so far so good.

A Different Approach Pt. 2

Showing your True Colors...


I have suffered from insomnia for over 15 years. The only way I get a good nights sleep is if someone is in the bed with me (why I haven’t a clue, I honestly think it’s the other persons body heat). He was willing to help me with my insomnia, and he explained that due to the fact he is a man some nights he wouldn’t be able to sleep over. COOL!(I told him I am waiting until I am married before I have sex again, he said he would respect that.) He tried something twice…sigh, and failed. I mean I had the thoughts, but would never act on them, I even told him that (there I go thinking I could open up to him).

One day he called me and told me couldn’t sleep over anymore. I simply say “ok.” I don’t ask why, because it’s wasn’t a big deal to me **shrug**. But, he continued to talk…sigh, he went on to tell me that every time he spend the night, he doesn’t sleep, basically that he is up all night sexually frustrated, while I am sleeping peacefully, he also explained to me that the sexually frustration was brought on by me “walking around in tiny t shirts, and tiny pajama pants, with my titties and ass all out” ***cringe*** DUDE WHAT?!?!?! First off I am tiny I do admit that I am rather busty for my size so even baggy shirts hug my bust area but that’s it! I don’t even have much of an “ass”, so there is no way I have any pj pants that have my “ass” out! I was so appalled with him after that conversation; I never would have thought that he wouldn’t any couth, proved me wrong!

The Beginning of Demise

I got to a point where I wasn’t going to let him piss me off. It was like something in him wanted to piss me off or something???

One morning I got in the car with him, and I had an attitude, I don’t know why or how, but I did. I told him this as soon as I sat in the car, and I also apologized in advance if I took it out on him. He said, “ok cool.” Now this guy is a tad bit dramatic when he has something to say, like he can’t just say what is on his mind… (nope) every story has a back story. On this particular day I just couldn’t do it I couldn’t listen. I ask him “can you please just say what you have to say?” He then gets mad. Great, just great!!!! He says “never mind Tiffany.” Sigh. I then apologize and asked he to finish what he had to says, he tell me “No.” Oh wells. We get to church and we were good, talking and cracking jokes. It was all good. But then….

We are heading back to my place, and the radio was advertising the Maxwell concert that was coming to town. I was rambling about if I could figure out a way to budget my money to buy tickets to the show, then I asked him a hypothetical question. I ask him “say you have a job and could afford to take you girlfriend to the Maxwell concert would you?”, He says “No I am not paying to go to a concert to have some dude sing to my girl.” ***blank stare*** So I ask “if you knew Maxwell was her favorite singer in the world, and it was her birthday, would you buy her the tickets then?” He said “No.” , again. Sigh. We sat there in silence. Like what could I say? *shrug* Maybe I am the only person that likes making the person I am in a relationship happy. I don’t know.

The Official Demise

After that I didn’t talk to him for about a week and a half. He stopped calling, so I called it felt weird, he would give me only one word answers, and I would get off the phone with him, he made me feel like he didn’t want to talk to me. After that I didn’t talk to him for about a week and a half. Then one day he called me, and I asked him why I hadn’t heard from him, and he told me that he was giving me space. OH WORD?!?!! I asked him “why?”, and he tells me “I was giving to space because you were in a bad mood that Sunday.” ***FOREAL!?!?!?!?!***

Communication was gone, and so was the "relationship". I wasn't angry, i was just done. I had piece of mind.

One particular day I called him and he happened to be asleep when I called, and he asked me if I was doing anything the following day, I told him no, and he told me he was going to pick me up from work, I said that was fine, and we said our goodbyes. So the next day he picked me up from work. We had small talk, and then he asked “where do you see this relationship going?” I told him I had no idea, and he said something to me and I got everything off of my chest. Then he said something along the lines of he has been waiting for me to says something. WHAT!?!?!! Then he went on to tell me he doesn’t have time to focus on a relationship right now, but he likes me, he said some other things that I totally tuned out. I ask me if he was done, he said yes, I said ok thanked him for the ride home, and got out of the car.

When I got out of the car I felt a huge weight lift off of my shoulders. The dark cloud was gone.

Lesson

I learned was that the heart wants what it wants. I learned attraction and admirations are not the same. I learned I can look past a lot of things. I am proud that I really actually worked on my communication skills during this “situation”. This situation taught me more about what I like in my future husband, and traits I do not like in men. God really opened my eyes to a lot of things during this time. The biggest lessoned I learned was that, if I can not see myself marrying the guy I am in a relationship with, I really don’t need to waste my time with it. So… Mr. Dark Cloud thank you, lesson(s) learned!

A Different Approach Pt. 1

What woman doesn't like a grand gesture from a man? Don't worry, I'll wait (c) Kat Williams. Lets not kid ourselves here all women would love for a man to profess/confess his love for us in a way that would be memorable. Case in point the last guy I seriously consider being in a relationship with, put together a power point presentation about his feelings for a girl he was pursuing before me. While pursuing me I don't recall a grand gesture... Hmmm... I mean we had a few good moments ... But no grand gesture. If felt like every romantic moment was forces and awkward at times... I went with the flow of things, because at the time I thought I liked the guy. He had a lot of qualities I liked, I admired certain qualities, but he just wasn't "IT" for me. I guess I wasn't "IT" for him either. When things ended I was better than ok... I was somewhat relived, happy, with a dashed of annoyed of another failed romance. There was something different about how I handled things in this relationship, I followed 2 simple steps in this relationship I never did before... "What is?" you ask? Well what I did that I never did before in a relationship, was:


Step 1. Go To God About It

I went to God for guidance about every decision I made when it came to the relationship.

Step 2. Pray About It

I prayed for me, prayed for him, and praying for us as a whole.

Even though things did work out, those two steps did a world of difference in how I felt through out the whole thing.

The Meeting

I met this guy last year, and I didn’t really know what to make of him. I felt like he didn’t like me, so I had to change that …lol. I befriended him, and I just knew I was supposed to be friends with him. One day we were talking, and he kind of hit on me, and it didn’t really dawn on me until a little while later. I sat and thought to myself, what if I gave him a shot? I did my pros and cons list, it came up even (go figure). The only down fall was I was crushing on someone else at the time. I ended up pushing my crush to the side (that’s another story), and focusing on this man.

Let's Give It A Shot

I wasn’t initially attracted to him, but I did admire him as a person. He and I had a lot in common, which was comforting, I found myself thinking “finally someone that gets me!” I was able to open up to this man… or so I thought.

For someone with some many admirable qualities, he had such a dark cloud over him, some day’s I would feel sad just being around him. So, me being me I was somewhat obsessed with wanting to put a smile on his face.

He was the first man I took seriously since becoming a Christian. I would pray for guidance, and I would pray for him. Something seemed to be holding me back, I recalled one morning I woke up so happy, and I picked up the phone and was going to call and say “let’s do this!”, but something in me was just like put the phone down Tiff, and I did. I have never had a reaction like that before. I was confused.


Acceptance

When you getting to know someone, you get to know them flaws and all, and you have the choice to be accepting of these thing, or not. With him I told him exactly how I am, I told him I have bad days, I told him if he hurts me I shut down. What you do with this information is totally up to you.

Personal Appearance

During our just friends phase we discussed his fashion choices. He explained to me that he shopped at the thrift store, and I could tell ... lol. I must admit he has some cool T-Shirts. He also wore mismatched shoes, and didn’t even fit. He has this ear piercing that either was infected or just not healing right. I was never embarrassed to be in public with him, because he was comfortable that way. I did tell him once he turned 30 (which at that time was a few months away), his fashion needed to change, and that he would need to get his” grown man on”. I wouldn’t say I was trying to change him, but he needed to hear that! ***does self affirming head nod***

Frugal or Cheap???

During this time he was also unemployed. I have never “dated” someone that didn’t have a job. It didn’t bother me, but it bothered him. I was constantly reminded that he was “poor” and that he was “broke”. I could understand if I asked him for things, or to take me on a date, but I didn’t do either of those things. It got to the point I had to flat out tell him that he wasn’t allow to talk about it around me. Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t working just not to be working, but he was working on a career he wanted to pursue, another admirable quality I saw in him. I told him that once he got his self together financially I would expect him to take me on dates, he in returned asked me and what would he be getting out of the deal, or what would I be doing for him.. or something like that… I hope he was joking while I gave him the side eye glare. He then went on to tell me that instead of going out to dinner he would rather use the money to buy groceries and cook at home. WORD?! He also informed me that he didn’t like going to the movies, because he couldn’t see his self paying to go to the movies when he used to get free passes or something like that. Sigh.

You Remind Me Of This Boy That I Once Knew...

Sooo.. I have a lil yellow angel in my life. Nothing romantic, more like encouraging ... For the past few weeks I have been trying to figure out who this young man reminds me of... Looks wise and personality wise... And then it hit me. He reminds me of this guy I used to know name Justin.


Justin and I met through a mutual friend, and didn't know it at the time. We met again... My memory is fuzzy on that front... It may have been black planet... Not sure. But low and behold it I had made a new friend. Justin and I talked on the phone alot and I do mean alot... If we weren't of the phone we were on AIM chatting, we had what I like to call a "goofy" friendship because we laughed all day and everyday at each other. So one day Justin asked me out on a date and I obliged. Justin agreed to pick me up from work, and take me to dinner. One of my co-workers was standing front of the store, and she came running to the back where I was and told me he sees a cute guy that she is going to make me future boyfriend (she was random like that...lol) so I walk to the front and there Justin is just as cute as he wants to be . My co-worker was excited whispering "that's him, that's him", I decided to toy with her and say "oh wow he is cute, I am going to ask him for a hug" so I walk up to him and give him a hug...lol. My co worker is floored by then...lol Justin asked me "why did her eyes just get so big" I couldn't hold in my laughter anymore so I bursted out laughing. I told him I would be right back and so I could grab my coat and purse. My coworker followed right behind me asking if he had a single brother, or sister *side eye* (she swings that way...lol). Justin and I went to dinner, during dinner I managed to trip walking into the restaurant, drop all my silverware on the floor, and hit my glass on my teeth... Sigh. I would get really, really clumsy when I was nervous around someone I liked (that goodness I grew out of that…well.. sort of) Anywho. Justin and I had his sort of “connection” that only he and I could understand. Oh and did I mention Justin had a girlfriend?

Apparently Justin and The Girlfriend were on a break. The Girlfriend was at the point where they had been together since high school and college, and she wanted to get engaged, married, or something. I think that scared Justin, because he told me he just wasn’t ready for that. I could tell Justin was very torn about his feelings, because he went back and fourth about it. Justin and I would always talk about if he and I should remain friends, or not, because he was starting to develop those “more than just friends” feelings. We both came to a mutual decision that we would be nothing more that friends. Meaning no more kissing. Sigh. Lol.

I used to dabble in interior decorating, so Justin asked me if I could do his apartment since he love, the look and feel of my apartment. I jumped on that chance since that is something I loved to do. This all took place around the time when the IKEA opened in college park. Justin and I spent about 3 hours it the freakin IKEA, two hours looking around and playing, and one hour lost and trying to get out…lol. It was a mess. Justin and I finally escaped the Bermuda Triangle known as the IKEA, and decided to go to dinner.

Justin and I go to the little Mexican restaurant in Greenbelt, somewhere, I had never been. The waiter takes our drink order, I order a ginger ale, and Justin ordered a Margarita on the rocks. During those days I didn’t drink at all. The waiter brings out of drinks and this was my first time ever seeing a schooner. The waiter takes our food order and Justin slides his drink in front of me, and I laugh and shake my head no. Justin then laughs and tells me “you are going to have to help me with this.” Justin then asked “Is it that you don’t like Margaritas?” I tell Justin “I don’t know. I don’t drink.” Justin looked as if he couldn’t believe his ears. Justin told me to taste the drink, to my surprise I liked it, and I liked it alot…lol. Justin and I ate, talked, and laughed. As we were leaving the restaurant Justin told me that I had to try Alize. I said “Okay.” Heck he was right about the Margarita being delish, why not try this Alize stuff. Off to the liquor store we went. LMBO! After the liquor store we headed back to his place. So there we were watching to movie “Two Can Play That Game” and drinking Alize aka Fruit Punch with a Punch. I was just downing my drinks, because I didn’t feel any affects. Or so I thought. 15 minutes later I was knocked out, it was like that best sleep ever….lol.

As I laid there sleeping I thought that I was dreaming that I Justin was kissing me. It wasn’t a dream. Justin and I crossed a line that night. Soon after Justin and I both were awakened by Justin’s phone ringing non-stop. I tell him it ok if he wanted to answer it I knew it was The Girlfriend. I went into the bathroom to get dressed. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and thinking “I will never drink again!” I felt guilty, I know that Justin and The Girlfriend were on a break, I still felt really guilty. My thoughts and I were interrupting by a knock at the door from Justin. I opened the door Justin stood there looking somewhat frantic. “She is on her way here, and she is will be here soon!”, he said somewhat scared. I just stood there looking at him. I was stuck there, no way to get home, no bus or metro no where near his house, and he drove. He went back into his bedroom, and I walked out the door. I pull out my cell phone to call a cab, and of course the battery died, my mind was blank, I didn’t know if it was the alcohol or what I felt nothing as I walked down the street.

I found myself in a park sitting on a bench. I sat in the park for about ten minutes, and then Justin ran up. I watched him try to catch his breath he then says “Tiff why did you leave like that, she is gone now. I have been trying to call you.”, tears came out of my eyes and I tell him “My phone died so I couldn’t call a cab, and I was looking for a Metro or something.” Justin hugged me, and we walked back to his apartment. The car ride to my house was silent. He parked in front of my building. I reached to open the door, and then Justin said my name. I froze. Justin took me hand in his and said “I am so sorry.” I leaned back in my see and looked at him, Justin went on to tell me that he cares about me very much, and then he can’t believe his actions caused me to cry. Justin also explained that he was very confused about his feelings, and as much as he wanted to be my friend, he just didn’t know how to do that. I told Justin that I am okay, and that he was right, we couldn’t be “just friends” . We hugging and that was the last time I saw or heard from Justin. I heard last year that Justin and The Girl Friend we engaged, and living together. I am happy for Justin, I don’t think he was “one of those guys”, I think his feelings about me were genuine, but it was just another case of bad timing.

The Asian Persuasion???

Saturday nights…


If you know me I don’t like to leave the house on Saturday, at all. It is my lazy day I get to sleep in, and watch the idiot box all day. Saturday is my day to catch up on everything on my DRV, it is as if my goal that day is to have maybe 2% on my DVR used. This Saturday didn’t go as I originally planned.

So... I went on a date Saturday with this joker I went to school with... Sigh. For the past few months he has been trying to get me to come out, I was down for it but at the last minute he would cancel, so I just started ignoring his calls and text messages. I see it like this, if you got jokes... I got jokes too! I can't stand games point blank and period!

So yesterday I had received multiple text messages at the same time (and of course he and the person I thought I was responding too have the same first initial) so I responded to him thinking I was responding to my other friend.*smacks hand against forehead* so he told me he would like my company. So a light bulb in me head went off. I thought if he cancels this time I could just tell him to lose my number. So I agreed. He told me to be ready around 8. Suuuuurrreee ***side eye***. During all this I had just washed my hair, and had no real plans of going out at all, and if you know anything about me and my hair is that my hair takes hours to dry (because I don't put heat on my hair). So I seriously was really not thinking I was leaving house. So I laid around all day. I had a towel on my head, and walked around in sweats an a hoody. He then texted asking if I leaved near a metro? You're kidding right? Right? I told him not within walking distance. As soon as I was about to tell him never mind and cancel the date, he texted saying he was playing. YEAH RIGHT! Then at about 7:30 he texted me asking I "hey you got a friend?". Really dude? Really? So I asked him for who? He said "my boy." I am thinking "I figured that much! Who is your boy?" then he tells me the guys name so I put my Sherlock Holmes hat on and facebooked him. I couldn't really tell if his friend was cute or not, but I guess he looked decent *shrugs*. I asked him would "his boy" be treating my friend to dinner, and after about five minutes of going back and forth he friend said he would treat my friend to dinner. I don't think I was wrong for asking, because technically she would be his date. Right? So I call up one of my homegirls and she said she was down to going, I said ok, but (there is always a but isn’t it…lol) if his friend was really lame and stupid, I would have to cook her a “fabulous dinner “. I swear I need new friends…lol. So I made the deal with her, while putting a menu for her together in my mind…lol. I texted him saying she agreed then he tell me his boy doesn't want to go now. Sigh. Please keep in mind it is now 8:30pm, I had just finished twisting my hair which was still damp, and I hadn't gotten dressed yet either...lol. Then he calls me to tell me he was on his way. I wasn't convinced. I was laid up on my couch watching a Hallmark movie *don’t judge me* he also, told me he would call when he got close, so my thinking was if he does that then I would get dressed. So at 9:15 I get a call from him telling me he was out side. WHAT HAPPENED TO MY WARNING CALL????!!! I was so engrossed in the extremely sappy and highly predictable Hallmark movie that I hadn't even thought about what I was going to wear! So I had to spring into action I went with the same color scheme I had wore the night before, peach top, tan blazer, light denim jeans, and beige pearls, makeup natural. I put my still damp twist in an bun threw in a beige silk rose clip. And I was out the door! Yea I was the chick that had a man waiting... Bad tiffy...lol. I get in the car and we were off to dinner!

We get to the restaurant and I have this way of getting attention even without trying. I called it the shine factor, now the shine factor is something most women have. It is when your heart and soul is shining from within that the whole world can see. It gives most women a certain beauty they makes most people stop and stare. So that must have had happened, because when we walked in I had a lot of people stare, or maybe they were wondering what I was doing with this Asian dude…lol.

We had good conversation over dinner much to my surprise. He tried to play this shy role... I told him that it wouldn't work with me. He lacks a certain confidence with I like in a man. He is pretty funny though. We talked about why he was single, he explained that he is focused on getting he life together... And blah blah blah. To sum that up he is dating multiple women at the same time which he said “isn’t serious”. YEAH RIGHT! Lol.

He dropped me off, and called me when he got to tell me he enjoyed spending time with me, and would like to do it again.(that is always a good look) I told he that would be up to him. All day Sunday he has been texting me. ***Blank stare***. This outta be interesting.