What woman doesn't like a grand gesture from a man? Don't worry, I'll wait (c) Kat Williams. Lets not kid ourselves here all women would love for a man to profess/confess his love for us in a way that would be memorable. Case in point the last guy I seriously consider being in a relationship with, put together a power point presentation about his feelings for a girl he was pursuing before me. While pursuing me I don't recall a grand gesture... Hmmm... I mean we had a few good moments ... But no grand gesture. If felt like every romantic moment was forces and awkward at times... I went with the flow of things, because at the time I thought I liked the guy. He had a lot of qualities I liked, I admired certain qualities, but he just wasn't "IT" for me. I guess I wasn't "IT" for him either. When things ended I was better than ok... I was somewhat relived, happy, with a dashed of annoyed of another failed romance. There was something different about how I handled things in this relationship, I followed 2 simple steps in this relationship I never did before... "What is?" you ask? Well what I did that I never did before in a relationship, was:
Step 1. Go To God About It
I went to God for guidance about every decision I made when it came to the relationship.
Step 2. Pray About It
I prayed for me, prayed for him, and praying for us as a whole.
Even though things did work out, those two steps did a world of difference in how I felt through out the whole thing.
The Meeting
I met this guy last year, and I didn’t really know what to make of him. I felt like he didn’t like me, so I had to change that …lol. I befriended him, and I just knew I was supposed to be friends with him. One day we were talking, and he kind of hit on me, and it didn’t really dawn on me until a little while later. I sat and thought to myself, what if I gave him a shot? I did my pros and cons list, it came up even (go figure). The only down fall was I was crushing on someone else at the time. I ended up pushing my crush to the side (that’s another story), and focusing on this man.
Let's Give It A Shot
I wasn’t initially attracted to him, but I did admire him as a person. He and I had a lot in common, which was comforting, I found myself thinking “finally someone that gets me!” I was able to open up to this man… or so I thought.
For someone with some many admirable qualities, he had such a dark cloud over him, some day’s I would feel sad just being around him. So, me being me I was somewhat obsessed with wanting to put a smile on his face.
He was the first man I took seriously since becoming a Christian. I would pray for guidance, and I would pray for him. Something seemed to be holding me back, I recalled one morning I woke up so happy, and I picked up the phone and was going to call and say “let’s do this!”, but something in me was just like put the phone down Tiff, and I did. I have never had a reaction like that before. I was confused.
Acceptance
When you getting to know someone, you get to know them flaws and all, and you have the choice to be accepting of these thing, or not. With him I told him exactly how I am, I told him I have bad days, I told him if he hurts me I shut down. What you do with this information is totally up to you.
Personal Appearance
During our just friends phase we discussed his fashion choices. He explained to me that he shopped at the thrift store, and I could tell ... lol. I must admit he has some cool T-Shirts. He also wore mismatched shoes, and didn’t even fit. He has this ear piercing that either was infected or just not healing right. I was never embarrassed to be in public with him, because he was comfortable that way. I did tell him once he turned 30 (which at that time was a few months away), his fashion needed to change, and that he would need to get his” grown man on”. I wouldn’t say I was trying to change him, but he needed to hear that! ***does self affirming head nod***
Frugal or Cheap???
During this time he was also unemployed. I have never “dated” someone that didn’t have a job. It didn’t bother me, but it bothered him. I was constantly reminded that he was “poor” and that he was “broke”. I could understand if I asked him for things, or to take me on a date, but I didn’t do either of those things. It got to the point I had to flat out tell him that he wasn’t allow to talk about it around me. Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t working just not to be working, but he was working on a career he wanted to pursue, another admirable quality I saw in him. I told him that once he got his self together financially I would expect him to take me on dates, he in returned asked me and what would he be getting out of the deal, or what would I be doing for him.. or something like that… I hope he was joking while I gave him the side eye glare. He then went on to tell me that instead of going out to dinner he would rather use the money to buy groceries and cook at home. WORD?! He also informed me that he didn’t like going to the movies, because he couldn’t see his self paying to go to the movies when he used to get free passes or something like that. Sigh.
Showing posts with label Lesson Learned Dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lesson Learned Dating. Show all posts
Monday, March 15, 2010
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
This Billy Joel song is haunting me...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPiK_yGG8ag
I can not get this song out of my head... sigh. Last week while I was out and about I ran into this guy I use to deal with ... I will call him LDB.
LDB and I met about a year ago through mutual acquaintances. I can't say that I was attracted to his physical appearance at first, but I just thought he was really cool. LDB and I found ourselves flirting with each other, and wanting to hangout together. I was so attracted to his personality. We continued to hang out, it was very innocent, and being that he had just gotten out of a relationship, and I just started opening myself up to a relationship with GOD. I don't think either of us was looking to start dealing with other people yet.
LDB and I shared a love of music, we would just sit in his car and he would play songs for me, but one night things changed. LDB put on the Billy Joel song, that I linked up top, and he sang it to me. I didn't even know he could sing. It was O-V-A (not over...lol) after that! I straight attacked him in the car...lol. I kissed him, and it pretty much shocked both of us...lol. That was the beginning of our tryst.
LDB would constantly tell me he didn't want me in his world, because he liked me, that there was so much drama surrounding him, he told me he didn't want to interfere with my relationship with GOD. COOL! We continued to hangout, we just enjoyed each others company very much.
One night he stopped by just to say hi before he went to hangout with friends, LDB told me how he found his self so happy when he was around me, but due the fact I was practicing celibacy he couldn’t be in a relationship with me. COOL! Thanks for the honesty. I told LDB I totally understood that. We still went on to spend time with each other, still went on to flirt with each other. I prayed for a lot of strength when it came to this man… sigh, and I “fell down”.
We continued to hangout. We would meet up, he would talk about his ex a lot… I didn’t mind it because we were “friends”. Then he started acting funny…smh. One night he texted me and ask me if I was going to go dancing, I told him yea, he was like “cool”. I get there and don’t see him, so I go outside to call him, and he did the unthinkable… he hit the ignore button!!! Lol. I was confused… so I turn to walk into the building, and I see him walking up. I ask LDB did he just send me to voicemail… he lied. LDB tells me he didn’t get a call from me, then went on to show me his phone, thinking I wouldn’t look, low and behold there my number is. LDB tried to laugh it off… I didn’t think it was funny… not one bit.
So I just started to distance myself from LDB, because I don’t do good with people being “brand new”. I started hanging out with an ex since he reappeared in my life, and other guys I use to hang out with (gotta love facebook). So one night I went to this little happy hour event with the ex, because I thought it would be fun. When the Ex got there he pretty much told me he want to be in my life, he missed so much… and all that jazz. I was soooo caught off guard, he was sooooo lovey dovey. Then walks in LDB… “oh brother” I thought. I had asked LDB if he was going out that night… he told me no. So I am sitting there like “dang this really does happen in real life”…lol. LDB doesn’t say anything to me, and I don’t say anything to him. LDB has this friend that I know, let’s call him Green. Green sees what’s going on and causes a scene (ha that rhymed). The Ex doesn’t know realize what going on until he hears me curse under my breath. He was very concerned, because I really try not to curse ... lol. So I tell him what is going on, he thought it was hilarious! The Ex was basically like, it was LDB’s loss.Men...lol.
The next day LDB sends me a text telling me he had nothing to do with what Green did, and he wasn’t sure why his boy wilded out like that… (I do, but that story is for another day). He asked if we were cool, I told him yea, he told me he missed how we used to be, I told him I felt the same. We start hanging out again, but something was just off.
One night I was out dancing in walks LDB with a girl on his arm… interesting **shrug**. The girls I was there with were asking me what was up with that, I told them nothing. I had to remind them that nothing really was going on with LDB and I, they all gave me the ***side eye***. I go say hi to LDB, and ask him if wanted to hangout later, he told me he couldn’t because he had to go to work in the morning. (((PAUSE)))
Any other time we hung out, he had to go to work in the morning just like I did. So, I told LDB just that. LDB then says out of his mouth to me “Yea, well f*cking with you, makes me late to work.” WORD!?!?!
Here is the thing with me:
1. Don’t curse at me, I find that very disrespectful.
2. Me + Being Brand New = the end of whatever relationship we may have.
3. Just keep it real with me.
After hearing that I just walked away, I am never one for making scenes that is just not me. I went back to partying and left shortly after, I told one of the girls I was with what happened, and she was shocked. That night I was sooo done with him. I made sure with LDB I was never too attached I never really called, texted, and I cool with us being “just friends”. LDB always tried to make it seem like he really wasn’t a good person, but he never showed that he wasn’t a good person. When we hung out he showed that he was just a cool person (.). I will never understand that about him, and honestly I didn’t care to understand it either.
The next day I receive a text from LDB saying, “how cute I am to him when I dance”, really dude? He had the nerve to act like nothing happened. Not cool at all. I texted LDB back telling him, I couldn’t talk to him anymore because I am too nice of a person, to be spoken to and treated like the way he had recently done. He acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about, but said if that what I really wanted he would respect that. I informed LDB that in public I would speak and be cordial, but that was about it.
The lesson I learned: if a person tells you who they are, believe them. Lesson learned!
I can not get this song out of my head... sigh. Last week while I was out and about I ran into this guy I use to deal with ... I will call him LDB.
LDB and I met about a year ago through mutual acquaintances. I can't say that I was attracted to his physical appearance at first, but I just thought he was really cool. LDB and I found ourselves flirting with each other, and wanting to hangout together. I was so attracted to his personality. We continued to hang out, it was very innocent, and being that he had just gotten out of a relationship, and I just started opening myself up to a relationship with GOD. I don't think either of us was looking to start dealing with other people yet.
LDB and I shared a love of music, we would just sit in his car and he would play songs for me, but one night things changed. LDB put on the Billy Joel song, that I linked up top, and he sang it to me. I didn't even know he could sing. It was O-V-A (not over...lol) after that! I straight attacked him in the car...lol. I kissed him, and it pretty much shocked both of us...lol. That was the beginning of our tryst.
LDB would constantly tell me he didn't want me in his world, because he liked me, that there was so much drama surrounding him, he told me he didn't want to interfere with my relationship with GOD. COOL! We continued to hangout, we just enjoyed each others company very much.
One night he stopped by just to say hi before he went to hangout with friends, LDB told me how he found his self so happy when he was around me, but due the fact I was practicing celibacy he couldn’t be in a relationship with me. COOL! Thanks for the honesty. I told LDB I totally understood that. We still went on to spend time with each other, still went on to flirt with each other. I prayed for a lot of strength when it came to this man… sigh, and I “fell down”.
We continued to hangout. We would meet up, he would talk about his ex a lot… I didn’t mind it because we were “friends”. Then he started acting funny…smh. One night he texted me and ask me if I was going to go dancing, I told him yea, he was like “cool”. I get there and don’t see him, so I go outside to call him, and he did the unthinkable… he hit the ignore button!!! Lol. I was confused… so I turn to walk into the building, and I see him walking up. I ask LDB did he just send me to voicemail… he lied. LDB tells me he didn’t get a call from me, then went on to show me his phone, thinking I wouldn’t look, low and behold there my number is. LDB tried to laugh it off… I didn’t think it was funny… not one bit.
So I just started to distance myself from LDB, because I don’t do good with people being “brand new”. I started hanging out with an ex since he reappeared in my life, and other guys I use to hang out with (gotta love facebook). So one night I went to this little happy hour event with the ex, because I thought it would be fun. When the Ex got there he pretty much told me he want to be in my life, he missed so much… and all that jazz. I was soooo caught off guard, he was sooooo lovey dovey. Then walks in LDB… “oh brother” I thought. I had asked LDB if he was going out that night… he told me no. So I am sitting there like “dang this really does happen in real life”…lol. LDB doesn’t say anything to me, and I don’t say anything to him. LDB has this friend that I know, let’s call him Green. Green sees what’s going on and causes a scene (ha that rhymed). The Ex doesn’t know realize what going on until he hears me curse under my breath. He was very concerned, because I really try not to curse ... lol. So I tell him what is going on, he thought it was hilarious! The Ex was basically like, it was LDB’s loss.Men...lol.
The next day LDB sends me a text telling me he had nothing to do with what Green did, and he wasn’t sure why his boy wilded out like that… (I do, but that story is for another day). He asked if we were cool, I told him yea, he told me he missed how we used to be, I told him I felt the same. We start hanging out again, but something was just off.
One night I was out dancing in walks LDB with a girl on his arm… interesting **shrug**. The girls I was there with were asking me what was up with that, I told them nothing. I had to remind them that nothing really was going on with LDB and I, they all gave me the ***side eye***. I go say hi to LDB, and ask him if wanted to hangout later, he told me he couldn’t because he had to go to work in the morning. (((PAUSE)))
Any other time we hung out, he had to go to work in the morning just like I did. So, I told LDB just that. LDB then says out of his mouth to me “Yea, well f*cking with you, makes me late to work.” WORD!?!?!
Here is the thing with me:
1. Don’t curse at me, I find that very disrespectful.
2. Me + Being Brand New = the end of whatever relationship we may have.
3. Just keep it real with me.
After hearing that I just walked away, I am never one for making scenes that is just not me. I went back to partying and left shortly after, I told one of the girls I was with what happened, and she was shocked. That night I was sooo done with him. I made sure with LDB I was never too attached I never really called, texted, and I cool with us being “just friends”. LDB always tried to make it seem like he really wasn’t a good person, but he never showed that he wasn’t a good person. When we hung out he showed that he was just a cool person (.). I will never understand that about him, and honestly I didn’t care to understand it either.
The next day I receive a text from LDB saying, “how cute I am to him when I dance”, really dude? He had the nerve to act like nothing happened. Not cool at all. I texted LDB back telling him, I couldn’t talk to him anymore because I am too nice of a person, to be spoken to and treated like the way he had recently done. He acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about, but said if that what I really wanted he would respect that. I informed LDB that in public I would speak and be cordial, but that was about it.
The lesson I learned: if a person tells you who they are, believe them. Lesson learned!
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