Thursday, December 31, 2009

My 2009 Reflections... I might be updating this as the day goes...

So much has happened in the past 365 days. Some good, some bad, and some life changing.


Without a doubt I really do love my family. My sister and I have grown closer. I have tried my best to keep remembering I have a father, as awful as it may sound to you, it is my truth. My mother… well I do enjoy talking to her over the phone, at times I find myself missing her. I know my mother misses me, but right now I feel that we are doing better apart. ”Time heals all wounds.”
My uncles, aunts, and cousins, I love them all. My best ’09 moment was when I invited my grandmother to my baptism, and she surprised me by bringing the whole family with her. I looked out in the crowed I saw all of them, I was so over come with emotions, it took everything in me not to cry.


I am an awesome work in progress!!!!! What more can I say?


Lost some, gained some, saw some in a different light, and some lost the title and have been now classified as “I know this guy/girl”. I have learned something from each of you all, so thanks.


Nothing much going on in that department…lol. I am still holding out on hope that I will blessed enough to be in love again. Praying for patients.

Tiffany Moment

Honestly I don’t understand why people have hope that I new year will bring new change. What would happen if people had such expectations everyday of there lives. Like when people say “Next year I will work on getting out of debt.” Why not say “today I will start working on getting out of debt.” Maybe that’s just me…*shrug*. On the other hand if this helps you reach your goals, then okay… I wish you the best.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Darrell Montgomery Part 2 my boyfriend, my bestfriend

2nd part of the love story folks... it is hard to figure out what parts I should put in and leave out... I think I will be ending this with either a 3rd, or 4th part. Not sure yet. So many memories....

Darrell became my boyfriend shortly after we met. He asked me over the phone to be his girlfriend ... lol. Darrell is one person that truly made me feel special. He always held my hand, and I let him. I wasn't one for PDA back Darrell ended up moving with his father to be closer to me. That touched me in a way I had never felt before in my life. I was so happy.

Our secret

Darrell met my, and mother she liked him, which was My mother's boyfriend didn't care for Darrell too much, and Darrell felt the same way about him. Darrell and I were always together. Darrell would meet me at the bus stop when I got home from school, I would go watch him at football practice. We were inseparable. Then one day Darrell disappeared. A week he was gone, I didn't know what to do. Tiffany J. explained to me Darrell had moved back to his mother house. I was shocked, I cry for two day straight. He left without say goodbye, or anything. Tiffany J. assured me he would call. Two weeks later I got the call. Darrell kept repeatedly telling him that "he just had to go, he just had to go." I cried. Darrell cried. Darrell didn't want to tell me why. Then he said the words that change everything between us. "I left because he father hits me." We both cried for a few more minutes I then told him "he mother’s boyfriend hits me too". Darrell got angry, and told me his was coming back.

Our Bond

Darrell came back, and came straight over my house we sat on the couch and hugged in silence for some hours. Darrell told me he loved me for the first time that day. I told him that he was my best friend and that I loved him too. I told Darrell if he needed to leave again I would understand. Darrell told me he wouldn't leave me again. Darrell saved my life, I thank God for placing him in my life. Darrell was my first love, Darrell was the first person to ever make me feel loved. Darrell made me feel safe. For the first time in my life I left safe. I could breathe.

Some people may have heard me say that Darrell saved my life. I believe that statement with all my heart. I don't know how I could have gone through so must abuse without Darrell. Before Darrell the abuse had become bigger than my faith in God. I felt my spirit disappear. I would walk around as a shell of a person. I would question God why was I going through this? Why was anyone my age going through this? With every new bruised on my skin, I wanted it to end, I mean I really wanted life to end. Then God place Darrell in my life. I found strength. I started to fight back against the evil 6'4 300 pound monster known as my mother’s boyfriend. I imagine being a fly on the wall watching a 6'3 300lb man in a no holds bar boxing match against a 90-100lb 5'0 girl, had to be a sight to see. Darrell told me to using any and everything I could get my hands on, and that I did.

Some may question, why Darrell didn't do anything... I asked him not to. Weird huh? Well this how that would have played out. If Darrell would have done something, I would not have been allowed to see him. That's just how my mother rolled then. Like when her boyfriend first put his hands on me he literally picked me up and threw me into the kitchen sink.Thats right a kitchen sink folks. He thought I was getting smart with him, when I was just trying to explain something to him...crackheads I tell ya. I ended up getting put on punishment for a month, for that *blank stare* ..smh.

Men... ya'll slay

I am currently still working on my blogs about Darrell, but as you can imagine it is a rather emotional topic, so I decided to lighten up a bit with this one.

So I have been running into some more interesting characters lately, and each one has me questioning "where they do that at?". What is this not so new trend of giving out business cards? Like I haven't gotten a card up until this point was 94' ... seriously. The first was in February at a party at some lounge that was at off of New York Ave. I looked at it and Then last month I was in the cafe at work and a contractor with the A/V company gave he his card.... I was confused. Most recently I went to a Happy Hour with a new friend, and was we were going down the step to leave a older gentleman yelled down the steps at me, "excuse me, I couldn't let you leave without saying something to you!" I look up the staircase puzzled.  The man told me "I don't want to disrespect your friend, but I think you are beautiful and have a beautiful spirit." Pause: I thought this guy was gay, now he didn't really do anything flamboyant, but I just thought that. I mean this is DC. *blank stare* Anywhoo I tell him "oh you are fine, he is just a friend on mine." he asked me to come upstair real quick. Why not *shrug*. I go upstairs, and he says "so he is just a friend of yours?" I say "yes, he is a married man." He hands me his card The man then tells me "take this and use it, so we can hang out too, and I am not" Oh word! LOL.

Two things I have a problems with...
1. what if my friend was my "man", like you just going to come at me like that? lol.. yelling down a stairwell. 2. This one isn't so much the mans problem, but my own. I don't call... I know, I know... bad Tiffy, but I just don't. I didn't use to be that way... *shrug*. I just don't like calling anyone really. I really have to get over that.I'll call back, but I don't like calling...

I am too old fashion, I guess trying not to be so old fashion should be one of my new years resolutions *shrug*. I have been on a one woman quest in performing CPR on Chilvary because I don't want it to die.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Darrell Montgomery Part 1 how we met

This song make me happy and sad all at once...

This song pretty much sum up how I feel about someone that is no longer here with us...

His name is Darrell F. Montgomery. I loved him very much.

Note: Putting this together has been very emotional for me, so it is going to broken up into a few parts, so you don't have to read so much.

The Tale of the Two Tiffany’s

As some of you may know I grew up in Chicago, North Side (and yes not everyone is from the South . I went to a school for the arts called Lakeview (ya girl has mad writing The first two weeks of school I sat in homeroom, and the teacher would do roll call. The teacher would call out "Tiffany", and I would look up, and he would say "no, not you Tiffany, Tiffany Johnson." I would just put my head back down. "Who is this Tiffany Johnson, and why hasn't she been to school?" I would think.Then one day I was sitting on the bus going to school I notice an unfamiliar face on the bus, she looked at me and rolled her eyes, I thought to myself "did that Bish just roll her eyes at me?" I just turned and continued to look out the window. The evil chick got off the bus before me. I get to school, then home room, and sit with my homeboys. Roll call begins. The teacher called out “Tiffany, Tiffany Johnson." To my surprise I hear a voice say “here”. Word? I turn to see who my "name twin is”. As some of you may have guessed it, yup it was the evil eye rolling chick…lol. The teacher calls on me this time and she looks my way and tilted her head sideways at me…lol. Homeroom lets out, and what do you know, Tiffany Johnson has all the same classes as me…lol.

The next day on the bus Tiffany Johnson speaks to me, she asked me “Where do you get off the bus?” I told her the stop after the one she got off at yesterday. Tiffany went on to explain to me that where she get off the bus is a quicker way. GOOD LOOKING OUT! Come to find out Tiffany lived just down the street from me too … lol. Needless to say Tiffany and I became best friends after that day.

His Picture

Tiffany J. had an uncle that basically lived across the street from me, and he had a little four year old daughter. Tiffany and I would go over her uncles house, and take her little cousin to the park and play. One day we were at her uncles house and Tiffany tell me she want to show me a picture of her cousin. Tiffany excitedly tell me how cutie he is and they he is going to be my boyfriend…lol. I see the picture. I fell in love then and Yes, I fell in love with a picture. His name is Darrell. Darrell did not live with his father, but he lived on the South Side with his mother. Darn.


Like clock work Tiffany J. and I went to her uncles’ house to get her little cousin, but this day was different. Tiffany rang the buzzard, and this guy sticks his head out of the window, and yells “who’s that?!?” We both look up. Hi Darrell. Tiffany J. starts screaming. I froze. Darrell tells us he is coming down stairs. I tell Tiffany J. we should make a break for it, she grabs me to keep me from running off. By the time Darrell gets down stair Tiffany J. pretty much wrestled me down… lol. Tiffany J. introduces us, she say “Little Darrell this is my friend Tiffany the one I said is going to be your girl friend.” SAY WHAAAAAAA???!!!! Standing there embarrassed and with a stomach full of butterflies, Darrell extended his hand to shake my hand. Interesting. We shook hands, but Darrell acted like he didn’t want to let my hand go. Sigh…lol. He started talking to me about god knows what, I couldn't answer because the butterflies in my stomach were going crazy! He was still holding my hand. Darrell laughed, and then he went on to tell us his little sister was with her mother and they would be back later. Darrell continued to talk to me, while still holding my hand, Tiffany J. found it HILARIOUS! After a few more minutes we said out goodbyes, Darrell asked me for a hug goodbye, I obliged. That hug felt so right. I was never big on hugging or anything, but at that time in my life it turns out to be exactly what I needed.

Monday, December 21, 2009

The Musician

When I say I have date men different men I really have dated many different men... even a few musicians. One musician currently stands out... I can honestly admit I handled things poorly with him.

The Musician and I met via Facebook, he friend-ed me due to the fact we had mutual friends. One day I sent him a message asking him about one of his shows, and that was the beginning.

The Musician and I ended up meeting up on U St one night and we walked around, I watched him sit in and "jam out" with some of his friend that where playing at one spot. It was cool.

We went to Ben's Chili Bowl, and talked about things. We parted ways after that. I didn't think he was that into me, until he called me later that night, and we talked all night.

I opened up to him, and he opened up to me. The things the musician had opened up to me about, weeeeelllll, I appreciated his honesty, yet at the same time, certain things bothered me.

The musician is an Island man and where he is from it is common for a man to take up more than one wife, or have another woman of the side, which both women are fully aware of the other. ***blank stare*** the musician openly told me he did practice  this while he was married. The musician has two beautiful boys who are both 2 years old and no there are not twins, meaning they do not have the same mother. ***blank stare*** the musician explained to me that he no longer practiced this, so I think I was ok with it. At that time the musician was separated from his wife, due to other problems in their relationship. I am allergic to married men... smh. The thing is begin separated, means that they are still married, that man is you husband and that woman is your wife (.) That didn't sit to well with me either.

The musician is such a beautiful and caring man, but I couldn't be with him, even though parts of me wanted to be with him, I just couldn't. No matter what little time he made for me, in my eyes the odds where stacked against us. It was like when I would think of what the future would like with his man, I couldn't see anything good. I could have just lived in the moment with him then, but my heart and mind wouldn't allow it.

The relationship was somewhat like the bad would trump the good, case in point: I remember I wasn't doing to great one day I was in pain and completely weak, and he came and took care of me. He got someone to watch his boys for him, and then he came to take care of me. Yet, on the other hand most of the time I couldn't even talk to him on the phone, we spoke via text messages, yahoo IM, Facebook, email, and Twitter.***blank stare*** If you know me, you know unless I am at work, I don't like having conversations that way. The musician would tell me that this was the best way to speak to him because, his boys were always loud in the house, or he was practicing, and the music would be so loud...smh.

In the end I totally withdrew from the Musician, I should have done it differently, and because of that I lost a friend. There were times I just wanted to pick up the phone to call him and share things with them, and there were times I would want to go to one of his shows. But I didn't. It wasn't that I couldn't face him, it was just I didn't want to see the look on his face when he saw me.

Reflecting on this, my downfall was that I candy coated my feelings, I told him partially how I felt, but not fully. Poor communication, and case of shutting down, yet again. The musician pleaded with me to talk to him. I just couldn’t. I think I feared if he knew how I felt, he would talk me out of distancing myself from him.

I am proud that I didn't continue the relationship. I do miss him as my friend.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Snow Day

Soooooo... I am snowed in... I woke up laying diagonal in my bed with 1 sock I must have been tired. I have been bumming around my apartment all day, eating cereal and
I have been looking up recipes, I get excited when I learn new things.
I got a call from that joker  Rob I was shocked he had the nerve to call me. I answered and told him I would call him back, that didn't happen.It won't happen. I wasn't about to listen to that joker talk about nothing in my ear, because he was suck in the house with cabin fever... nope, no way, no how. Not to mention this was the first time I am hearing back from that buster since he asked to take me to dinner a WEEK ago...smh. Then The Cutie hit me up on facebook, we chatted it up for a second. *shrug*
Other than that, this has been a relaxing day, just been clowning on facebook and twitter. I was talking to a guy I went to school with, he asked if we should hang out, I told him yes, we exchanged numbers. We shall
I was talking to my brother yesterday, and he was telling me that he like the fact I different different types, of men, because it gives him hope he will find a girl like me.... awwwwwwww that was sweet of him to say :). I randomly ask two of co workers if they could see me with either a older man, or a white man. They both said white man very quickly, their reasoning was becasue they can see me meshing well with a white man better *shrugs* WORD? I told the story to a guy I attend church with, he told me he thinks it doesn't matter to me what race the guy is as long as the guy makes me happy, that is so true.
I continue to pray for patience... and keep reminding myself to focus on the bigger picture. It's have a lot of love and feelings bottled up for my future husband, it is hard to contain myself at times... oh well.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Tales of the Young Dumb Tiffany Volume 1: Gullible

I can honestly admit that my downfall with men was… I used to believe them…lol. I can honestly sit here and say I was gullible. I just could not wrap my mind around the fact men, say whatever. I could not wrap my mind around the fact a guy would get your number just because. I could not wrap my mind around the fact a man would lie about having a girlfriend just because he formulate the sentence. I was in denial about men playing games just as much, and if not better than women. I just didn’t understand it all…lol. I would trust any and every man, because I didn’t know any better…lol.

I was a late bloomer, I can admit that. I had little boyfriends, and all that, but I knew nothing about men. I had my first sexually "experience" (meaning not actually intercourse, but other things...don't judge with my second fiancĂ© the Marine. I was 18 when I met the Marine, he was soooo charming. I met him right after I got out of a weird relationship with some guy I can’t even remember his name…lol. I was just starting to break out of my tomboy phase. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had cut my hair off, and gotten my eyebrows arched for the first time, and bought some parcusco jeans, (and ya’ll couldn’t tell me I wasn’t cute!). The Marine walked into the store I was working at… all I saw was a bright smile, then I saw the uniform. Can we say GOODGOOGELYMOOGELY!!! He didn’t say much at first, he introduced his self to me and kissed my hand. NOW… I had never in my life been, or done anything girly, but when he kissed my hand, I went into a fit of giggles…lol, and I tried to control it by covering my mouth, but it didn’t help…lol. After that he left… he didn’t ask for my phone number or anything :(. Five minutes later he came running back in the store and he says “I forgot something when I left.” Me being stupid says “What? Did you leave your keys somewhere in here?” The Marine falls out laughing at me, I was standing there thinking “what was so funny about that?” He takes my hand and says “No sweetie, I forgot to ask you for you number.” I kid you not by the time was finished saying the word number, I was done writing it down for him…lol.

The Marine and I were all about each other morning, noon, and night. When the Marine found out I was still a virgin… I was scared out of my mind, the Marine on the other hand looked like he just won the Lotto…lol. The Marine decided then and there he wasn’t going to touch me until he married me. I didn’t think he was serious until he The Marine and I broke up a few times, due to him making all the decisions about the relationship. The Marine was stationed in Japan for 2 years of our relationship, I was cool about it. He called regularly I was fine with that, just hearing his voice made me happy. I never even looked at another man during the time the Marine was gone. I must admit the Marine was one man that had me open…lol. The year the Marine came back to the U.S. he was stationed in California. The Marine would come to the DMV every weekend. I was so happy about it!!!!

The Marine and I broke up for good when he slipped up and admitted he cheated on me. Sigh. This was another one of those case I didn’t understand men. The Marine, refused to have sex with me, he made sure he was never felt alone with me…lol. I even attacked him in his truck one day, and he calmly got out his truck and started jogging around the block. I sat in his truck confused and amused all at once. I just didn’t understand if he wanted to have sex… why not with me, why not the one that loved him so much? He did it just because, or in his word “I don’t know why I did it.” I handed him his ring back, and went to cry on my mothers' shoulder.

The statements "I don't know" and "I dunno" makes me feeling like I am hearing finger nails scratching a chalk board every time I hear a man say that. through the many countless time I have heard those statements, I have pretty much become numb to it. If I heard a man say "I don't know" or "I dunno", the first thought that pops into my mind, is "he's an idoit!", but more recently my thoughts have been "OH NINJA YOU KNOW, YOU AINT GOTTA LIE!!!". I personally think it is a good and bad thing that I don't believe jack men tell  me, at the same time I think it would be really nice to have faith in a man for once.***shrug*** oh

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Missed Called and a Voicemail...

So the The Cutie called me today... debating on if I will be calling him back... Not a good look for him. The cutie says in his message that, he has been very busy trying to get his moving situation together, and he had to get a new phone... ummmmm.... not sure what my next move will be. I will keep you all posted...smh.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

I was fine until... ( I am everywhere with this post

You every have that moment in your life when you are cool with life... just content? Well that's how I have been feeling the for the past few months, even with all the jokers I have encountered the past few weeks, I am good!

***side bar I am watching the movie "Obsessed" I was so against watching this movie because Beyonce+Acting= no beuno I must admit this movie is pure comedy I haven't laughed so hard at a movie in a long time When home girl was hang from the chandelier I fell off my couch laughing! TALK ABOUT DETERMINATION!***

I was at a luncheon with co-workers yesterday, and my one of my managers brought up my dating life, and how he is going to find me a husband next One of my co-works was listening to the conversation, which was cool, and my manager was basically like finding my husband will be his goal in My co- worker then asks my age, I tell her then she says "I wouldn't know what I would do if I were you age and not married" (((cue record scratch here))). I couldn't even say anything, so I joined in a different conversation at the table. I woke this morning with her statement on my mind. I never thought my age would affect me getting married in the future... heck I was thinking maybe in another 5 years or so I would be

I must admit I have heard women talk about it the age thing, but I never really stress about it. Today I have been thinking about it off and on, I must admit that. I mean I know in some cultures, men wouldn't even consider marrying me at my age... I guess it's a good thing I an American ***shrug***. I then thought about when my doctor told me the longer I wait to have children the harder it will be ***sigh***. I see it's like this, if that is the plan for me to have children I will, but I will not have a child without being married, no if ands or buts about it. I am not willing to take that chance, I want my child to have a family. That's why I never understood some women trying to trap a man by getting pregnant on purpose, these days that means nothing. I just recently heard a story of a man totally ignoring the girl he got pregnant, and there was nothing she could do because she didn't even know his last name... sigh...smh. The girl ended up getting an abortion. :(

But yeah... I just have to keep being patient, keep praying for more patients, and remembering I am going to have to kiss a lot of frogs before I find my Speaking of Frog I reallllllyyyyy want to see the movie "Princess and the Frog". I will do that before the week is out. :)

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Always in 3’s

You know the saying that goes something like this "...blah blah blah, everything happens in 3's" I am starting to think that it's true. I met 3 different men around the same time... and I am pretty much done with all of them...already... lol. Here is the story.

Metro Dude Rob - Rob is metioned in this blog...

Rob asked me out twice, and I said yes twice, did it happen no…lol. First time he canceled saying he had drive to Va, for his mother ***side eye** riiiiggggggghhhttt. Second time was Sunday, he called me waking me up from my fourth nap of the day, and asked if I would like to go to dinner, I said yes, he sounded excited, he then told me that he was going to jump in the shower and call me back. I went back to sleep…lol. I woke up three hours later, no missed call no text message… nothing. I wasn’t even surprised… honestly I didn’t even want to leave the house, I had such a long week and weekend, I needed the rest. I still haven’t heard from him, let us hope he is smart enough to lose my number.

The Old Man - The Story of The Old Man

The old man is no more too. He turned out to be such a joker!!! I tell ya he was the funniest out of the bunch. He got an attitude with me when I told him I didn’t have a portable DVD player, he wanted to use it while he was at work, I hadn’t even known the bamma week, and he was already trying borrow stuff? WORD? Few days later he tells me his was going to bring me his laundry to do, I had to laugh it off, and because he couldn’t possible be serious, right? We had a hour longer discussion about that…lol needless to say it didn’t happen. A few days after that he tell me he is bring his work shirt over for me to iron. I couldn’t do anything but laugh at that, he got an attitude because I was laughing at him, and that didn’t happen either.
One day the old man came over my house and was eating dinner I was sitting on the couch next to him watching tv, and he turned in kissed me… You ever see that awkward kiss in a movie when the other person’s eyes had gotten really big and they are looking at the other person, and then the one that initiated kiss has that look like they are really passionate and it looks somewhat like this...

 and into it. It was just like that! Then the buster had the nerve to have spaghetti sauce on his mouth… ***ewwwweeee***

Then he lost his wallet, so he call me early in the morning (before I get up for wok, might I add) and ask me to look for it in my couch, I look and don’t find it. He call me back when I am leaving out the house asking me to look again. ***blank stare*** I tell him that I already left out for work, and I would look again when I got home. I called him later in the day to see if he found it, no answer.

I get home from work and look again no wallet. I call him to tell him this, again no answer. So I text him and tell him, no wallet found, and I don’t hear back from him.

The next day I call him, and he sends me to voicemail ***aarrruuuggghhh***. So I text him saying “I have called you, and have texted, and have heard nothing back, I can take a hint deuces”. And what do you know… he calls me back…sigh. He doesn’t acknowledge the fact he hasn’t called me, or my text message. I asked him about it, and he nonchalantly “yea I saw it” . ***blank stare***. Then he did the unthinkable… he asked me for something!!!! This negro asked me if I had a credit card he could use, if I could have dropped dead there and then I think I would have….lol. He tells me being that he lost his wallet, he needed the obtain a copy of his birth certificate, to get a new driver license, and that he needs to use MY credit card to have it overnighted…ummmm… yeaaa….NO! I told him being that I had done my Christmas shopping my credit cards were maxed out, then he asked me “so you telling me you don’t have $30 on a card credit” like what part of “maxed out” don’t you get!?!!? I tell him, "that is exactly what I am telling him". We wrap up the conversation, with him saying he was going to call me when he got off of work, and it never happened. Just the humor myself, I text him the next day asking if he needed me to iron his work clothes for him, and he actually texted me back saying “yes”. BWHAHAHAAHHAHHAHAHAHA that gave me a helluva laugh!!!!

***SIDE BAR- I think old man might be a crackhead... I am just sayin... it would explain a lot!***

The Cutie - The Story of The Cutie

Welp was quick…lol. I am not sure what happened to the cutie… we went from talking everyday to not talking anymore. Last thing I heard from him was a text message, asking if I have made it home from work yet, I said yes, and that was the end of that **shrugs**. I will give him a few more days before I totally rule him out… I guess.


Is it normal to be un-phased by this? I remember a time I would be bothered and want to know what happened, but now I could care less. Even with the old man, I didn’t really care, but I was annoyed, due to fact I had a lil twig of hope that things would be different with him because he is older… I was wrong... lol.

Monday, December 7, 2009

The Cutie... The Beginning

Wednesday morning I found myself running late for work. The bus driver, hit on me, the next train wasn't coming for another 12 minutes (DURING RUSH HOUR!), great way to start the morning...smh. I sat at the bus stop waiting for the bus to take me to work for another 30 minutes. A cutie walks up. He doesn't say a word to me, and I don't say a word to him.

The bus shows up, and he walks past me and sits in the back. I read my newspaper. I feel someone staring at him, and it's the cutie. He still doesnt say anything to me, and I don't say anything to him. I keep sensing that the cutie is staring at me. I finally say good morning to him, but he doesn't speak back. WORD? So, then I tell myself that maybe he isn't staring at me, maybe he is daydreaming in my direction ***shrug***

Bus finally gets to my job, I am walking towards the building and I someone is walking directly behind me, I know it's him. I turn around and see my co worker also walking behind me, I give him a hug and being that he is about 10 times my size he easily scoops me up and carries My cowork puts me down and I am now walking right beside the cutie. I ask the cutie "were you staring at me?" I can tell he was shocked I said He then say "yes, but you must have been staring to." I explain to him that I wasn't staring at him, but I I felt him staring which caused me to look at him. He laughed. The cutie apologized for staring and explained that he didn't mean to, it was just that he found me very attractive.

(***cringe at the word attractive***- side bar: when a man tells me, that he finds me attractive in my mind that mean he wants to have sex with me. I don't know why, but that is what I feel.)
The cutie flat out asked me if I was in a I tell him no, and then ask for my phone number, I give it to him. I mean why not?

The cutie called me when I got back from my lunch break, and he left me a message telling me that he hopes I am having a good day. That is a good look. I call him back when I get home from work we have a nice conversation.

Fast Forward Four days...
I like talking to the cutie*surprise* He is in the process of moving, so I haven't been able to really hangout with him. I have learned that he can sing very well, is a Christian (YES!), is originally from Alabama, and is a little shy.

Time for the honest moments:
The cutie has two children by two different women, I am not sure how I feel about that.
He doesn't drive either, I am at odds about that being that I am not driving at this time, but I am like how are we going to go out on dates? I mean it bothers me but it doesn't at the same time. *shrug*

So far I think he is cool, and that's pretty much it.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

19 year old men???

I have recently been finding myself being approached by 19 year old men everywhere I go. I am full aware that I look young, but dang... lol. What am I going to do with a 19 year old???

This summer I spent time with a 19 year old. When we met we didn't know each others age... heck I thought he was older than me, and so did Once the dust settled we both knew nothing would come of it, it was very innocent. I think he was put in my life to remind me of how I should be treated. He is going to make some woman very happy someday when he is older.

Another 19 year old was very persistent, lol. He told me "no matter my age, I am a man first." That was deep. I had no doubt in my mind that he really liked me, but I knew he didn't want the things in life that I do right now.

Just the other day I was approached by , you guessed it, yet another 19 year old! He is is fully aware that I am older than him, but he is still trying to figure how much I found him looking at me during the day, and trying to be near me wherever I was... sigh.. I wish he wasn't so darn cute. I can't do! None the less it was flattering.

I am not saying that I wouldn't date a younger man, but I know for a fact that whether it be a male or female at that age, has soooo much growing and learning to do. For me I am looking to settle down, get married, start a family. I have never heard of any 19 year old saying that want that in their life right now.

I wish someone would invent a 19 year old

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

This Billy Joel song is haunting me...

I can not get this song out of my head... sigh. Last week while I was out and about I ran into this guy I use to deal with ... I will call him LDB.

LDB and I met about a year ago through mutual acquaintances. I can't say that I was attracted to his physical appearance at first, but I just thought he was really cool. LDB and I found ourselves flirting with each other, and wanting to hangout together. I was so attracted to his personality. We continued to hang out, it was very innocent, and being that he had just gotten out of a relationship, and I just started opening myself up to a relationship with GOD. I don't think either of us was looking to start dealing with other people yet.

LDB and I shared a love of music, we would just sit in his car and he would play songs for me, but one night things changed. LDB put on the Billy Joel song, that I linked up top, and he sang it to me. I didn't even know he could sing. It was O-V-A (not after that! I straight attacked him in the I kissed him, and it pretty much shocked both of That was the beginning of our tryst.

LDB would constantly tell me he didn't want me in his world, because he liked me, that there was so much drama surrounding him, he told me he didn't want to interfere with my relationship with GOD. COOL! We continued to hangout, we just enjoyed each others company very much.

One night he stopped by just to say hi before he went to hangout with friends, LDB told me how he found his self so happy when he was around me, but due the fact I was practicing celibacy he couldn’t be in a relationship with me. COOL! Thanks for the honesty. I told LDB I totally understood that. We still went on to spend time with each other, still went on to flirt with each other. I prayed for a lot of strength when it came to this man… sigh, and I “fell down”.

We continued to hangout. We would meet up, he would talk about his ex a lot… I didn’t mind it because we were “friends”. Then he started acting funny…smh. One night he texted me and ask me if I was going to go dancing, I told him yea, he was like “cool”. I get there and don’t see him, so I go outside to call him, and he did the unthinkable… he hit the ignore button!!! Lol. I was confused… so I turn to walk into the building, and I see him walking up. I ask LDB did he just send me to voicemail… he lied. LDB tells me he didn’t get a call from me, then went on to show me his phone, thinking I wouldn’t look, low and behold there my number is. LDB tried to laugh it off… I didn’t think it was funny… not one bit.

So I just started to distance myself from LDB, because I don’t do good with people being “brand new”. I started hanging out with an ex since he reappeared in my life, and other guys I use to hang out with (gotta love facebook). So one night I went to this little happy hour event with the ex, because I thought it would be fun. When the Ex got there he pretty much told me he want to be in my life, he missed so much… and all that jazz. I was soooo caught off guard, he was sooooo lovey dovey. Then walks in LDB… “oh brother” I thought. I had asked LDB if he was going out that night… he told me no. So I am sitting there like “dang this really does happen in real life”…lol. LDB doesn’t say anything to me, and I don’t say anything to him. LDB has this friend that I know, let’s call him Green. Green sees what’s going on and causes a scene (ha that rhymed). The Ex doesn’t know realize what going on until he hears me curse under my breath. He was very concerned, because I really try not to curse ... lol. So I tell him what is going on, he thought it was hilarious! The Ex was basically like, it was LDB’s

The next day LDB sends me a text telling me he had nothing to do with what Green did, and he wasn’t sure why his boy wilded out like that… (I do, but that story is for another day). He asked if we were cool, I told him yea, he told me he missed how we used to be, I told him I felt the same. We start hanging out again, but something was just off.

One night I was out dancing in walks LDB with a girl on his arm… interesting **shrug**. The girls I was there with were asking me what was up with that, I told them nothing. I had to remind them that nothing really was going on with LDB and I, they all gave me the ***side eye***. I go say hi to LDB, and ask him if wanted to hangout later, he told me he couldn’t because he had to go to work in the morning. (((PAUSE)))

Any other time we hung out, he had to go to work in the morning just like I did. So, I told LDB just that. LDB then says out of his mouth to me “Yea, well f*cking with you, makes me late to work.” WORD!?!?!

Here is the thing with me:

1. Don’t curse at me, I find that very disrespectful.

2. Me + Being Brand New = the end of whatever relationship we may have.

3. Just keep it real with me.

After hearing that I just walked away, I am never one for making scenes that is just not me. I went back to partying and left shortly after, I told one of the girls I was with what happened, and she was shocked. That night I was sooo done with him. I made sure with LDB I was never too attached I never really called, texted, and I cool with us being “just friends”. LDB always tried to make it seem like he really wasn’t a good person, but he never showed that he wasn’t a good person. When we hung out he showed that he was just a cool person (.). I will never understand that about him, and honestly I didn’t care to understand it either.

The next day I receive a text from LDB saying, “how cute I am to him when I dance”, really dude? He had the nerve to act like nothing happened. Not cool at all. I texted LDB back telling him, I couldn’t talk to him anymore because I am too nice of a person, to be spoken to and treated like the way he had recently done. He acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about, but said if that what I really wanted he would respect that. I informed LDB that in public I would speak and be cordial, but that was about it.

The lesson I learned: if a person tells you who they are, believe them. Lesson learned!