A Different Approach Pt. 1

What woman doesn't like a grand gesture from a man? Don't worry, I'll wait (c) Kat Williams. Lets not kid ourselves here all women would love for a man to profess/confess his love for us in a way that would be memorable. Case in point the last guy I seriously consider being in a relationship with, put together a power point presentation about his feelings for a girl he was pursuing before me. While pursuing me I don't recall a grand gesture... Hmmm... I mean we had a few good moments ... But no grand gesture. If felt like every romantic moment was forces and awkward at times... I went with the flow of things, because at the time I thought I liked the guy. He had a lot of qualities I liked, I admired certain qualities, but he just wasn't "IT" for me. I guess I wasn't "IT" for him either. When things ended I was better than ok... I was somewhat relived, happy, with a dashed of annoyed of another failed romance. There was something different about how I handled things in this relationship, I followed 2 simple steps in this relationship I never did before... "What is?" you ask? Well what I did that I never did before in a relationship, was:


Step 1. Go To God About It

I went to God for guidance about every decision I made when it came to the relationship.

Step 2. Pray About It

I prayed for me, prayed for him, and praying for us as a whole.

Even though things did work out, those two steps did a world of difference in how I felt through out the whole thing.

The Meeting

I met this guy last year, and I didn’t really know what to make of him. I felt like he didn’t like me, so I had to change that …lol. I befriended him, and I just knew I was supposed to be friends with him. One day we were talking, and he kind of hit on me, and it didn’t really dawn on me until a little while later. I sat and thought to myself, what if I gave him a shot? I did my pros and cons list, it came up even (go figure). The only down fall was I was crushing on someone else at the time. I ended up pushing my crush to the side (that’s another story), and focusing on this man.

Let's Give It A Shot

I wasn’t initially attracted to him, but I did admire him as a person. He and I had a lot in common, which was comforting, I found myself thinking “finally someone that gets me!” I was able to open up to this man… or so I thought.

For someone with some many admirable qualities, he had such a dark cloud over him, some day’s I would feel sad just being around him. So, me being me I was somewhat obsessed with wanting to put a smile on his face.

He was the first man I took seriously since becoming a Christian. I would pray for guidance, and I would pray for him. Something seemed to be holding me back, I recalled one morning I woke up so happy, and I picked up the phone and was going to call and say “let’s do this!”, but something in me was just like put the phone down Tiff, and I did. I have never had a reaction like that before. I was confused.


Acceptance

When you getting to know someone, you get to know them flaws and all, and you have the choice to be accepting of these thing, or not. With him I told him exactly how I am, I told him I have bad days, I told him if he hurts me I shut down. What you do with this information is totally up to you.

Personal Appearance

During our just friends phase we discussed his fashion choices. He explained to me that he shopped at the thrift store, and I could tell ... lol. I must admit he has some cool T-Shirts. He also wore mismatched shoes, and didn’t even fit. He has this ear piercing that either was infected or just not healing right. I was never embarrassed to be in public with him, because he was comfortable that way. I did tell him once he turned 30 (which at that time was a few months away), his fashion needed to change, and that he would need to get his” grown man on”. I wouldn’t say I was trying to change him, but he needed to hear that! ***does self affirming head nod***

Frugal or Cheap???

During this time he was also unemployed. I have never “dated” someone that didn’t have a job. It didn’t bother me, but it bothered him. I was constantly reminded that he was “poor” and that he was “broke”. I could understand if I asked him for things, or to take me on a date, but I didn’t do either of those things. It got to the point I had to flat out tell him that he wasn’t allow to talk about it around me. Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t working just not to be working, but he was working on a career he wanted to pursue, another admirable quality I saw in him. I told him that once he got his self together financially I would expect him to take me on dates, he in returned asked me and what would he be getting out of the deal, or what would I be doing for him.. or something like that… I hope he was joking while I gave him the side eye glare. He then went on to tell me that instead of going out to dinner he would rather use the money to buy groceries and cook at home. WORD?! He also informed me that he didn’t like going to the movies, because he couldn’t see his self paying to go to the movies when he used to get free passes or something like that. Sigh.

The Cutie... The Beginning

Wednesday morning I found myself running late for work. The bus driver, hit on me, the next train wasn't coming for another 12 minutes (DURING RUSH HOUR!), great way to start the morning...smh. I sat at the bus stop waiting for the bus to take me to work for another 30 minutes. A cutie walks up. He doesn't say a word to me, and I don't say a word to him.

The bus shows up, and he walks past me and sits in the back. I read my newspaper. I feel someone staring at him, and it's the cutie. He still doesnt say anything to me, and I don't say anything to him. I keep sensing that the cutie is staring at me. I finally say good morning to him, but he doesn't speak back. WORD? So, then I tell myself that maybe he isn't staring at me, maybe he is daydreaming in my direction ***shrug***

Bus finally gets to my job, I am walking towards the building and I someone is walking directly behind me, I know it's him. I turn around and see my co worker also walking behind me, I give him a hug and being that he is about 10 times my size he easily scoops me up and carries me...lol. My cowork puts me down and I am now walking right beside the cutie. I ask the cutie "were you staring at me?" I can tell he was shocked I said it....lol. He then say "yes, but you must have been staring to." I explain to him that I wasn't staring at him, but I I felt him staring which caused me to look at him. He laughed. The cutie apologized for staring and explained that he didn't mean to, it was just that he found me very attractive.

(***cringe at the word attractive***- side bar: when a man tells me, that he finds me attractive in my mind that mean he wants to have sex with me. I don't know why, but that is what I feel.)
The cutie flat out asked me if I was in a relationship...lol. I tell him no, and then ask for my phone number, I give it to him. I mean why not?

The cutie called me when I got back from my lunch break, and he left me a message telling me that he hopes I am having a good day. That is a good look. I call him back when I get home from work we have a nice conversation.

Fast Forward Four days...
I like talking to the cutie*surprise* He is in the process of moving, so I haven't been able to really hangout with him. I have learned that he can sing very well, is a Christian (YES!), is originally from Alabama, and is a little shy.

Time for the honest moments:
The cutie has two children by two different women, I am not sure how I feel about that.
He doesn't drive either, I am at odds about that being that I am not driving at this time, but I am like how are we going to go out on dates? I mean it bothers me but it doesn't at the same time. *shrug*

So far I think he is cool, and that's pretty much it.

Random thoughts...about me and dating

I currently find myself forgetting about to opposite sex... like until someone ask me about my love life, or why I am single. I can honestly say 90% of the time a relationship and dating is the last thing on my mind. Not to say I don't want to, or anything like that, but I am just confused about how I got to this point.


The last date I went on was with a guy I went to school with, and he basically told me that I was interested in him because, he was single, makes pretty babies, looks decent. ***Blank stare*** I could never be interested with him, because his ego makes him unattractive to me, I don't know if he is feeling his self because he got that chip tooth fixed or not, but nah. The only reason I went out with him was because, he kept asking when were we going to hangout, and I thought it would be cool to catch up with him. Looking back on that I still don't see how he could have thought that when I did nothing to lead him to think that I was interested. I was rocking the jeans in T-Shirt look, barely any makeup, and tennis shoes. We ate dinner at HOPS for petesake....lol. I mean other than laughing at his jokes (which in all honesty were really funny) I don't know what body language he was reading.***Sigh***

I would like just to go on a nice date though... I wouldn't even need a second date... I  would just be grateful enough to go out and have a  nice time... is  this what my love/dating life has come too??? LOL... oh boy...lol.