Showing your True Colors...
I have suffered from insomnia for over 15 years. The only way I get a good nights sleep is if someone is in the bed with me (why I haven’t a clue, I honestly think it’s the other persons body heat). He was willing to help me with my insomnia, and he explained that due to the fact he is a man some nights he wouldn’t be able to sleep over. COOL!(I told him I am waiting until I am married before I have sex again, he said he would respect that.) He tried something twice…sigh, and failed. I mean I had the thoughts, but would never act on them, I even told him that (there I go thinking I could open up to him).
One day he called me and told me couldn’t sleep over anymore. I simply say “ok.” I don’t ask why, because it’s wasn’t a big deal to me **shrug**. But, he continued to talk…sigh, he went on to tell me that every time he spend the night, he doesn’t sleep, basically that he is up all night sexually frustrated, while I am sleeping peacefully, he also explained to me that the sexually frustration was brought on by me “walking around in tiny t shirts, and tiny pajama pants, with my titties and ass all out” ***cringe*** DUDE WHAT?!?!?! First off I am tiny I do admit that I am rather busty for my size so even baggy shirts hug my bust area but that’s it! I don’t even have much of an “ass”, so there is no way I have any pj pants that have my “ass” out! I was so appalled with him after that conversation; I never would have thought that he wouldn’t any couth, proved me wrong!
The Beginning of Demise
I got to a point where I wasn’t going to let him piss me off. It was like something in him wanted to piss me off or something???
One morning I got in the car with him, and I had an attitude, I don’t know why or how, but I did. I told him this as soon as I sat in the car, and I also apologized in advance if I took it out on him. He said, “ok cool.” Now this guy is a tad bit dramatic when he has something to say, like he can’t just say what is on his mind… (nope) every story has a back story. On this particular day I just couldn’t do it I couldn’t listen. I ask him “can you please just say what you have to say?” He then gets mad. Great, just great!!!! He says “never mind Tiffany.” Sigh. I then apologize and asked he to finish what he had to says, he tell me “No.” Oh wells. We get to church and we were good, talking and cracking jokes. It was all good. But then….
We are heading back to my place, and the radio was advertising the Maxwell concert that was coming to town. I was rambling about if I could figure out a way to budget my money to buy tickets to the show, then I asked him a hypothetical question. I ask him “say you have a job and could afford to take you girlfriend to the Maxwell concert would you?”, He says “No I am not paying to go to a concert to have some dude sing to my girl.” ***blank stare*** So I ask “if you knew Maxwell was her favorite singer in the world, and it was her birthday, would you buy her the tickets then?” He said “No.” , again. Sigh. We sat there in silence. Like what could I say? *shrug* Maybe I am the only person that likes making the person I am in a relationship happy. I don’t know.
The Official Demise
After that I didn’t talk to him for about a week and a half. He stopped calling, so I called it felt weird, he would give me only one word answers, and I would get off the phone with him, he made me feel like he didn’t want to talk to me. After that I didn’t talk to him for about a week and a half. Then one day he called me, and I asked him why I hadn’t heard from him, and he told me that he was giving me space. OH WORD?!?!! I asked him “why?”, and he tells me “I was giving to space because you were in a bad mood that Sunday.” ***FOREAL!?!?!?!?!***
Communication was gone, and so was the "relationship". I wasn't angry, i was just done. I had piece of mind.
One particular day I called him and he happened to be asleep when I called, and he asked me if I was doing anything the following day, I told him no, and he told me he was going to pick me up from work, I said that was fine, and we said our goodbyes. So the next day he picked me up from work. We had small talk, and then he asked “where do you see this relationship going?” I told him I had no idea, and he said something to me and I got everything off of my chest. Then he said something along the lines of he has been waiting for me to says something. WHAT!?!?!! Then he went on to tell me he doesn’t have time to focus on a relationship right now, but he likes me, he said some other things that I totally tuned out. I ask me if he was done, he said yes, I said ok thanked him for the ride home, and got out of the car.
When I got out of the car I felt a huge weight lift off of my shoulders. The dark cloud was gone.
I learned was that the heart wants what it wants. I learned attraction and admirations are not the same. I learned I can look past a lot of things. I am proud that I really actually worked on my communication skills during this “situation”. This situation taught me more about what I like in my future husband, and traits I do not like in men. God really opened my eyes to a lot of things during this time. The biggest lessoned I learned was that, if I can not see myself marrying the guy I am in a relationship with, I really don’t need to waste my time with it. So… Mr. Dark Cloud thank you, lesson(s) learned!